I live with the feline equivalents of the Flying Wallendas.

Well, five of my six, anyway.

Just like the famous high-wire trapeze artists, they fly from one piece of furniture to the other.
There’s more:

Butter must be secured in Fort Knox (the microwave oven) lest it disappear. The other night, I had to unwind about 3 miles of yellow thread from around the legs of the dining room table.

My Molly, who is a kleptomaniac, has pinched 1.) the plug to the bathroom sink; 2.) a crisp, new $20 bill still folded in its Versateller receipt; 3.) and a picture of 49er great Joe Montana, taken at the 1989 Super Bowl, that I gave to my mother in a tiny oval pewter frame.

All that loot was discovered under my bed.

Evan, who is klutzy but adorable and exceedingly affectionate, won’t let me pick her up, put a collar on her, give her medicine or trim her nails — she is telepathic about these things. But I can rub her tummy until my arm nearly drops off.

My Bermuda has the temperament of the brattiest 13-year-old girl one can imagine. “Meeeewww, I don’t want to! Meeeewww, you can’t make me! Take me to the mall! Buy me pizza!”

If dinner is not served at the appointed time, she has been known to plant herself in front of me, give me the evil eye, then grab one of my shoelaces between her teeth and yank. If I pick her up to give her a hug, as I am sometimes tempted to do, she gives me a good swift kick in the collarbone.

Is it any wonder we call her “Miss Demeanor?”
Clearly, as charming as my six are, they can be a handful.

Like most cat owners, I have horror stories (and scars) from attempts to administer pills and shots, peer into ears and mouths and trim nails. There are times, however, when it is critically important to do some of these things. Fortunately, we are not alone.

The Marin Humane Society will present a Cat Care Workshop on Sunday, April 30. The event, which runs from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. is aimed at providing cat owners with information on cats’ natures, their health, their behavior, and — of very practical value — how to handle them.

Cat behaviorists Margie Pratchenko and Laura Hazard, MHS veterinarian Belinda Evans, MHS Animal Care Director Kim Lanham-Snyder and Julia Kaye, director of the MHS Cat Fund, will make up
the panel.

Topics will include: an overview of cat breeds, how to identify them, and the temperaments and personalities they commonly demonstrate; behavioral changes that can indicate illness; and how to handle cats — nail-trimming, administering medicines, herding, etc.

The feline volunteers will appear on video rather than in person. “Cats are more difficult than dogs. They can be very good at hiding their health problems. This is especially true as they get older and less active,” said Belinda Evans, D.V.M., who has been the shelter veterinarian at the Marin Humane Society for the past three years. Changes in appetite and eating habits and water-drinking, litter-box habits, weight loss, lethargy, hiding, changes in coat condition — all can indicate health problems.

If the problem requires pills, drops or injections to clear up, it becomes critical to be able to handle your cat. “Pilling can be tough for owners,” Evans said.

But Morgan Lance, education coordinator for the MHS and a former veterinary technician, says there are “tried-and-true techniques” that can help make the job less traumatic for owners of all but the most recalcitrant cats. “Pill guns” can help. Golden Gate Pharmacy, a formulating pharmacy in San Rafael, can add flavors to noxious medicines and mix them into kitty treats. Giving your cat a dollop of peanut butter can force her to open her mouth so you can check her teeth.

Also advantageous, says Dr. Evans: “the sneak factor, giving them something so fast” they
didn’t see it coming. Whatever the mode of administering, “Confidence is absolutely key,” Lance says.The April 30 workshop will be held from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. in the Auditorium at the Marin Humane Society, 171 Bel Marin Keys Blvd., Novato. (There will be no lunch break, but snacks will be served.) The fee is $30 and benefits the MHS Cat Fund; to register call the MHS Education Department at 506-6288.