Anyone who has made the decision to end the life of a pet with severe and unmanageable behavior problems knows that it is painful and difficult, especially when that pet is otherwise healthy. I know because my family made the decision to have Taaya, our fearful and aggressive 18-month-old dog, put down. It was a complicated, unpopular and sad decision. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, but as a volunteer at the Marin Humane Society, I've worked with enough dogs to know that my situation, while regrettable, is not that unusual.

Making the decision

Choosing euthanasia is heartwrenching. It felt highly complex to us - is it the right thing to do; have we tried everything; is it really that bad? We questioned whether there weren't other, better management techniques and whether I was over-reacting to the situation.

Even though we knew that Taaya would be a challenge from the get-go, and we told ourselves that euthanasia would always be an option. When it was the only realistic, prudent choice, it was a terrible blow.

Communicating the decision to others

Communicating your decision to family members, friends and others may feel awkward. Not everyone will understand, some may voice contrary opinions, and others may wonder why you didn't do this sooner.

I found that a simple, "We had to put our dog down because she was becoming aggressive," was the easiest statement for me to make. Unless you are speaking to someone who was very close to the situation, it might be best to let it go at that.

Dealing with family members' grief

The thing that struck me the most when faced with taking this action was the fragility of the family unit. Suddenly, it felt as though we were torn apart rather than united by our grief. Blame, guilt, relief and failure are all common emotions and may be experienced in different combinations and degrees by various family members depending on their interactions and relationship with the dog. Not every family member may be convinced that euthanasia was the best alternative. Your pet may have behaved perfectly well for one family member, yet acted menacingly with others.

It is especially important to explain to children what has happened to the dog and to reassure them that they did not cause the situation. When talking to children, it is best to use plain, simple terms, and to avoid the phrase "put to sleep," which may trigger a terror of bedtime. Children should be assured that if they misbehave, the same thing will not happen to them.

With time

I won't kid you - euthanizing a family pet is an extraordinarily difficult decision. The passage of time helps. Everyone concerned (other pets included) goes through the mourning process at their own pace and in their own way. Because I was primarily responsible for taking care of Taaya while trying to keep her and others safe, I felt a sense of relief along with failure and sadness. My husband, for whom she behaved better, was angry as well as sad. Our two other dogs were almost instantly relieved and played with more joy than I'd ever witnessed before.

After several months, we adopted another puppy that has fully integrated into our pack and we now have a house full of happy, carefree dogs.

If there's trouble

Having problems with your dog's behavior? Schedule a private session with a Marin Humane Society behavior consultant. Experts can teach you how to modify or manage most behavior problems. Dogs adopted from MHS within the past year receive one complimentary session. For more information, call 506-6280.


Jean Mansen is a dog behavior volunteer at the Marin Humane Society.

Tails of Marin appears every Saturday in the Home & Garden section of the Marin Independent Journal