In the News: Tails of Marin
By Trish King
Love your dog, but don't go on guilt trip and spoil it
As I write this, my little Cairn terrier, Sophie, is trying to get my attention by pawing at my leg. Ordinarily, I would ignore her and she would go away. But now, because she has lymphoma, I give into her every desire. If she wants to be petted, I pet her. If she wants a Kong stuffed with food, she gets that, too. I feel guilty that she has cancer, guilty that - even with chemo - her life span is limited. Of course, it would be limited anyway: she's 12 years old and coming to the end of her allotted time.
Guilt is an interesting emotion in people - it leads us to do the darndest things to our dogs. Many adopters want to make up to their dogs for the horrible previous lives the dogs led. They take Fido home and proceed to give him every possible comfort. They let him do whatever he wants to do. They stay home for days, weeks or even months to make sure everything is going to be just right. They buy the best toys, food, collars, leashes and lots of beds for their new canine children. And they do much of it as reparation for the possible sins of other humans.
Guilt also plays a part in the behavior of dog guardians who must leave their dogs at home during the day while they are at work. We spend hundreds of dollars a month for day care or dog walkers, and we ascribe much destructive or noisy behavior to separation anxiety, thus making our guilt even worse!
Guilt is also a reason many of us take our dogs to dog parks; we think they must have canine socialization. Not only is this incorrect, it's also sometimes harmful to dogs who aren't comfortable meeting strange dogs. Though dogs are social, they're like people - some of us enjoy meeting new people, while others are more reserved or shy. The most important thing for dogs to have is time with their family.
Some people are anthropomorphic, that is, they ascribe human emotions to their dogs. One of my clients says she races to the door whenever her dog stares at it and sighs. She's sure her dog is irritated at her for not opening the door fast enough. Indeed, the dog probably does want to go outside, but the sigh probably means nothing. Other people truly believe their dogs are getting back at them by being destructive, when really the dog is bored or anxious because of being left alone.
It's one of my maxims that guilt is not a good teaching tool with dogs, just as it isn't with children. For instance, we have to work, if only to pay for all the goodies we get for our dogs, and many of us cannot take our dogs to work with us. For decades, dogs have learned to stay home alone during the day, getting exercise and attention in the morning and evening hours when they tend to be most active anyway. This isn't to say that dog walkers and day cares aren't important, and sometimes even necessary (separation anxiety and adolescent destruction truly exist and must be handled). It's just that many dogs happily stay at home, sleeping on the couch and waiting for us to appear, play with them and feed them.
As dog guardians, we have the responsibility to meet our own needs, as well as our dog's. And as with kids, dogs need structure and consistency in order to reach their potential. As for Sophie, well, she may still be spoiled, just a little.
Trish King is the director of behavior and training at the Marin Humane Society.
Tails of Marin appears every Saturday in the Home & Garden section of the Marin Independent Journal
